Day 47 - Letting Go of OCD While Birthing A New Me
4:32 PM
Sometimes I don’t even try to stop OCD because deep
down I like it in some ways and am very attached to it. But then the
consequences become too great and I come to a point of wanting to stop again.
Common sense dictates though, that no matter what my feeling or emotional
relationship to OCD is, I must push myself to end it because it is destructive
in my life.
The main way I have been trying to
stop OCD for a long time has been to ‘just stop’. When that obviously didn’t
work, I tried to ‘replace’ it. Meaning, I would garner all my will power and
avoid triggering situations and do other things instead of OCD. This made sense
to me and seemed really good and right. The problem is that I would always reach
a certain point and then fall again, each and every single time, for years.
It happened again recently, and I did
some searching online and found an interview recording (called 'Addiction Replacement', and part two, 'Creating Balance While Changing Yourself') containing advice for
just such a situation that made A LOT of sense. It suggested that within the
word ‘replace’, there contained some suppression, some avoidance and some
running away as a starting point. In a way, I was trying to ignore the problem
and do everything I could to replace the problem, but within this, it is
obvious that the problem is still at the center of everything I was doing. I
mean, if you think about it, when has “ignoring the problem” ever worked? It is a classic mistake and
avoidance/suppression technique.
In the recording, there was a
suggestion of a slight re-alignment to this application, which at once assists
and supports me to let go of OCD, while at the same time, bringing forth
something new. This is more a process of letting go and creation, rather than a
process of replacement. It seems like a small difference, but the implications
are HUGE.
So I am still going to look at the
activities I had been wanting in my life instead of OCD, which includes exercise
(creates discipline, increases self-image, decreases self-judgment), writing
(self-forgiveness/re-defining words/sharing realizations etc… which helps with
vocabulary building, self-expression and finding my voice), keeping my environment
tidy (lessens anxiety, creates structure and discipline), finding a hobby (for
enjoyment and self-expansion), reading (rest and relaxation or informing
myself), preparing for my day the night before (instead of rushing/stressing in
the morning), vlogging (I find it helps with self-expression, walking through
fears and resistances and so: self-acceptance), and down time
(resting/relaxation, like bubble baths or movies). The goal here is to strengthen
my strengths, and develop my ‘weaknesses’ (aka “strengths in the making").
The important thing to realize that
this is not about chasing these activities in a way that is ‘running away’ from
OCD, but to instead focus on creation and to focus on self, while at the same
time working with the OCD. It was explained to be like a see-saw, wherein, if
the focus is only on letting go of OCD and not CREATING me, OCD remains. If the
focus is on only creating me and not walking through OCD, I am supressing and
thus, OCD remains. The balance is where I am equally letting go of OCD, and
creating me at the same time.
I will continue in my next blog with a practical exercise.
To take the
first step in supporting YOURSELF, you can check out the following links that
led me to take the first steps toward healing, and continue to support me to
this day:
SOUL –
The School of Ultimate Living is an online community of people
interested in
discovering and developing their utmost potential
eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
Self and Living – Practical Living Support To Live to Your Utmost Potential
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime
discovering and developing their utmost potential
eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
Self and Living – Practical Living Support To Live to Your Utmost Potential
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime
Image source:
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